Insides from the Now

My “Spice Girls Revival”

It is 6 am in the morning. My alarm clock rings. I already feel, waking up, how the headache, i thought is a dream, is pounding in my head and there it is again: “You have got to reach on up, never lose your soul
You have got to reach on up, never lose control”…for days now the lyrics and rhtyhms of the Spice Girls are running in loops through my system.I haven`t listened to this or remembered this in 20 years. Why now?

Voice Blaster please!

I am used to this. Every now and then i have these revivals or even songs from my teenage years in my mind these days and depending on what it is i am working on or where i am at in my own healing journey or interests, this haunts me.

But this is not about voice blasting anymore. It is my Ego in some way trying to tell me something.

And there it was yesterday that pages again:

“Emotions smear the airwaves 24/7 through modern culture`s mainstream media — breaking news, soap operas, natural disasters, intrigue, movie start gossip, latest fashions, financial investements, diseases, cool gizmos, hot cars, naked women, wars. “

And then there are the music stars that we choose as idols cause relationship to elders isn`t the same anymore.

“Any individual not hyper attentive about protecting themselves from these pervasive and invasive influences gets inundated to the point of suffocation. What remains after the suffocation is a walking, talking, robot-ghost, the classic compliant consumer.

Protecting your attention

Purveyors of modern culture have one prize in mind: your attention. If they can capture ypur attention they have captured your wallet. When they have your wallet, their efforts more than pay for themselves. That is why they keep advertising. “- from: Clinton Callahan — “Directing the Power of Conscious Feeling”

It is adopting inauthentic feelings and emotions from any kind of authority figure we see as one even the idols we have chosen out of despair and lack of initiation and guidance in early years.

Well isn`t that obvious right now more than ever due to the story of “Corona Crisis”

I know how music can give you these emotions, these inauthentic emotions that are not yours but bring you in a certain state to lead you somewhere. For me it was joy, emotional joy. As a singer and dancer i knew how to harvest that.

I knew how to create “Posh”, “Ginger”, “Scary”, “Sporty” and “Baby” on Stage. It started when i listened to my first CD when i was 11 years old. I could escape to emotional joy and at times even to unconscious anger. These Girls first gave me an idea to harvest my feelings.

I mean I feel joy because I actually see now how smart I was and seeked some idols that showed the values of integrity, sisterhood, using your anger, community, connection,making clear boundaries and individuality even being in a group. And it is not only that. The Spice Girls were also a group that created there own sound. You can`t really be certain if it was being a doormat on stage or really what they wanted. That stays hidden. Secret.

However, I didn’t see that consciously back then but hearing them now I am kind of impressed about my 11 year old self. However I also see today how I actually want that Gameworld of girl power and 20 years later I am still in this loop of patriarchy, sadly still in school, still trying to get space living in one bed room, no garden, no car etc. As a woman there is still a fine line creating your Gameworld in a Female way. Are we out of modern culture enough yet to create space for that?

And i know what it means when the director comes to you and says: “ Make the people dance tonight. Let them have the experience. “ And there it is. It doesn`t matter if your knee hurts or you just where insulted by your colleague right before the show. Showtime means joy time. My partner still lives this life: “Play some Bossa Nova tonight.” or “Can you create us a program for the Christimas Party.” It is all about selling you something.

“(I said-a) Who do you think you are?
(Do you think you are?) oh, oh, oh
(I said-a) Who, some kind of superstar?
(You have got to) oh, oh, oh

Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are?
Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it, show me how good you are
Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are?
Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it, show how good you are”

And i still like to hack into that cause at least on stage i could flow inauthentic feelings through my body. And feel that ecstasy and for a while it even felt authentic to me. The fear, the sadness, the anger and the joy that i learned and experienced from the songs i danced too or the songs i sang. And sometimes and more and more often the authentic feelings came in more and more. For that i am thankful.

However…

“Yeah, Girl Power”….Isn`t it more: Get ready to be a woman in patriarchy even more…?

For me i feel it needs a lot of matrix in yourself and understanding of hidden games and purposes in a still male every based world.

And the balance comes back.

What were your authority figures you looked up to and what inauthentic feelings did you hack into?

Here is what i wrote in my diary since the revival started:

01.10.2021:

The “Gameworld Builder Incubator” started two weeks ago (more information here) and now this is happening: i am meeting the Spice Girls again after 20 years:

Is this my child ego state telling me something, now that i listen to it?

Spice Girls — Mama

Verse 1: Baby with Sporty]
She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn’t be
Every other day I crossed the line, I didn’t mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had

[Pre-Chorus: Ginger & Sporty, (Baby)]
Back then I didn’t know why
Why you were misunderstood (Mama)
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

[Chorus: All & Sporty]
Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You’re my friend

[Verse 2: Scary with Sporty]
I didn’t want to hear it then, but I’m not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I’ve had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility

[Pre-Chorus: Ginger & Sporty]
Back then I didn’t know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

[Chorus: All & Sporty]
Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You’re my friend
You’re my friend

[Pre-Chorus: Ginger & Sporty, (Scary)]
But now I’m sure I know why (I know why)
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes (see through your eyes)
All that you did was love (all I can give you is love)

[Chorus: All & Sporty]
Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You’re my friend
You’re my friend

[Outro: Scary, (Baby)]
Me loving you, you loving me
A love that’s true, and guaranteed
Me loving you (me loving you)
You loving me (you loving me)
A love that’s true (a love that’s true)
And guaranteed (so true)
Me loving you (me loving you)
You loving me (you loving me)
A love that’s true (a love that’s true)
And guaranteed (so true)
Me loving you (me loving you)
You loving me (you loving me)
A love that’s true (a love that’s true)
And guaranteed (so true)
Me loving you (me loving you)
You loving me (you loving me)
A love that’s true (a love that’s true)
And guaranteed (so true)
Me loving you (me loving you)
You loving me (you loving me)
A love that’s true (a love that’s true)
And guaranteed (so true)

02.10.2021:

For and from my child ego state to me and the world
It’s a negotiation between parts:

Oh, say you’ll be there
I’m giving you everything
All that joy can bring
This I swear
Last time that we had this conversation
I decided we should be friends, hey
But now, we’re going ‘round in circles
Tell me will this déjà vu never end, oh
And now you tell me that you’re falling in love
Well I never ever thought that would be, eh
This time, you gotta take it easy
Throwing far too much emotions at me
But any fool can see they’re falling
I gotta make you understand
I’m giving you everything
All that joy can bring
This I swear (I’ll give you everything)
And all that I want from you
Is a promise you will be there
Say you will be there, ow
Say you will be there
Won’t you sing it with me
If you put two and two together
You will see what our friendship is for, oh
If you can’t work this equation
Then I guess I’ll have to show you the door
There is no need to say you love me
It would be better left unsaid
I’m (I’m) giving you everything (I’ll give you everything)
All that joy can bring (All that joy can bring)
This I swear (Yes, I swear)
And (And) all that I want from you (All I want from you)
Is a promise you’ll be there (Is a promise you)
Yeah, I want you
Any fool can see they’re falling
I gotta make you understand
I’ll give you everything, on this I swear
Just promise you’ll always be there
I’m giving you everything (I’m giving you everything)
All that joy can bring (All that joy can bring)
This I swear (Yes, I swear)
And all that I want from you (All that I want from you)
Is a promise you (I want you to promise to)
Will be there (Always be there)
I’m giving you everything (I’m giving you everything)
All that joy can bring (All that joy can bring)
This I swear (Yes, I swear)
And all that I want from you (All that I want from you)
Is a promise you (I want you to promise to)
Will be there (Always be there)
I’m giving you everything (I’m giving you everything)
All that joy can bring (All that joy can bring)
This I swear (Yes, I swear)
And all that I want from you (All that I want from you)
Is a promise you (I want you to promise to)
Will be there

03.10.2021:

Nobody can take writing away from you!

04.10.2021:

The point is to use less efficiency but to have clear directions in the space

06.10.2021:

You only get space in this world if you work for someone. That is modern culture.

Spice Girls — „Move Over”

Generation next, generation next (ah, generation next)
Generation next, generation next (generation)
Generation next, generation next (generation, yeah)
Generation next, generation next

Hold it down, feel the noise
Let ’em know it’s a fight, pick it up it’s alive
Hold it down, feel the noise
Let ’em know it’s a fight, pick it up it’s alive

Move over, yeah, don’t do it over (yeah yeah yeah)
’Cause it’s over, yeah yeah yeah (don’t do it over)
Generation next (ow, yeah yeah, generation next)

Next phase, next stage, next craze, next wave

Let me tell you ‘bout a thing, gotta put it to the test
It’s a celebration, motivation generation next
We’re sowing the seed (seed), every color every creed (creed)
Teach never preach, listen up and and take heed

Take the heat, feel the flow
’Cause you’re ready to burn and we’re ready to go
Take the heat, feel the flow
’Cause you’re ready to burn and we’re ready to go

Move over, yeah, don’t do it over (yeah yeah yeah)
’Cause it’s over, yeah yeah yeah (don’t do it over)
Generation next (ow, yeah yeah, generation next)

Let me tell you ‘bout a thing (‘bout a thing)
Gotta put it to the test (to the test)
It’s a celebration, motivation generation next
You gotta know the rules (rules), if you wanna play the game (game)
Respect and dedication (dedication on a fame) never riding on a fame

Dedication, celebration, illumination, good vibration
Mel-o-vation, domination, baby nation, recreation
Imagination, crazy nation

Move over, yeah, don’t do it over (yeah yeah yeah)
’Cause it’s over yeah yeah yeah (don’t do it over, oooow)
Move over, yeah, don’t do it over (yeah, yeah)
’Cause it’s over, yeah yeah yeah
Generation next (oooow, yeah yeah, generation next)

Generation next, generation next (ah, generation next)
Generation next, generation next (generation)
Generation next, generation next (generation yeah)
Generation next, generation next

Generation next, generation next (ah, generation next)
Generation next, generation next (generation)
Generation next, generation next

07.10.2021:

Meme:

Nur wenn ich mich in den Dienst stelle, gehöre ich dazu.

Ich will so sehr dazugehören, dass es mich auffrisst.

Something Kinda Funny”

We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it)
We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on

Wherever you’re going, high or low
Remember to sure enjoy the show
So climb aboard my journey deep inside
Better late than dead on time

Ooh, it’s you I know that you have got to feed
Yeah, yeah
Ooh, don’t take from me more than you really need
More than you really need

We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it)
We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it)

Happiness is just a state of your mind
Keep searching, who knows what you may find?
Rules are for fools, and fool’s paradise is hard to find
Play my game or get left behind

It’s you that I know you have got to feed
Yeah, yeah
Ooh, take from me what you feel that you need
You feel that you need

We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it)
We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it)

You’ve got it, you’ve got it [3x]

Feelin’ kinda funny
Feelin’ kinda queezy
I ain’t that easy

We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it, we got it)
(Something kinda funny)
We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it, we got it)

We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(Something kinda funny)
(We got it, we got it)
We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on

We’ve got something kinda funny goin’ on
(We got it, we got it)

08.10.2021:

I will give evidence that I am ok.

09.10.2021:

I don`t want to replace soulfood with heartfood anymore. I want to come home.

“Love Thing”

You know I don’t wanna know
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

Give me what I’m needing
You know what I’m dreaming of
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

Been broken-hearted before
But that’s the last time it happens to me
I keep on giving still you’re asking for more
Too much emotion baby why can’t you see

I’m not afraid of your love
Not afraid of your love
Why can’t you see I’ve had my share of that

You’re what I want more
You know you got boy
You gotta want me
Just what I need
I’m not that easy as a matter of fact

There’s no room for loving
Stop that push and shoving
Don’t wanna know about that love thing
Give me what I’m needing
You know what I’m dreaming of
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

Here we go [3x]

Now don’t go wasting my time wasting my time
You’re not the only thing I’ve got on my mind
My friends are with me when you ain’t been around
Your precious words and promises ain’t bringing me down

I’ve got some living to do
Got some living to do
But don’t assume I’m gonna be with you

You’re what I want more
You know you got boy
You gotta want me
Just what I need
I’m not that easy as a matter of fact

There’s no room for loving
Stop that push and shoving
Don’t wanna know about that love thing
Give me what I’m needing
You know what I’m dreaming of
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

Stop pushing
You’re rushing
You’re losing my loving
I hope it
I see it
Just play it
You feel it

Gotta be bold bold and oh so strong
Get with this and you got it going on
On and on with the girls named Spice
You wanna get with us then you’d better think twice
God help the mister yeah God help the mister
That comes between me and my sisters

I’m not afraid of your love
I’m not afraid of your love

Why can’t you see I’ve had my share of that

You’re what I want more
You know you got boy
You gotta want me
It’s just what I need
I’m not that easy as a matter of fact

There’s no room for loving
Stop that push and shoving
Don’t wanna know about that love thing
Give me what I’m needing
You know what I’m dreaming of
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

There’s no room for loving
Stop that push and shoving
Don’t wanna know about that love thing
Give me what I’m needing
(love thing about that love thing)
You know what I’m dreaming of
(love thing)
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

There’s no room for loving
(love thing about that love thing)
Stop that push and shoving
(love thing)
Don’t wanna know about that love thing
Give me what I’m needing
You know what I’m dreaming of
Don’t wanna know about that love thing

10.10.2021:

Bravery is not the abscenty of fear

Bravery is the insight that there is something more important than fear.

I am part of the spearheads of evolution!

11.10.2021:

The Rehearsal is Over!

12.10.2021:

I just learned how to feed my heart and let some constructs of my inner gameworlds fall apart through the songs and implications of that songs during this week.

October is fear month…Let the fear guide you to let your constructs fall apart.

Love, Christine