Insides from the Now

Incompletion

“The secret of life is to die before you die and to figure out that there is no death”

This is the middle of something, the capturing of a moment, raw and untamed.

I am Christine.
I am a woman.

I was called a part of the milennial generation.

I was born almost dead into a dead system.

I am a slave and a slavemaster in modern culture.
….
And i am not these things…

My father always said: „It is good to make experiences.“

Yes and…in which culture? in which reality?

When I was young I didn’t understand this statement because there was a split in what I should do to have an experience and the actual experiences i wanted to make.

Almost 30 years of my life were about getting things done. I was trained to fulfill tasks for a system and didn`t take a stand for what i really wanted to do. I lost track of that very quickly or made lose-lose compromises.

Modern culture is a box, at times i would say even a prison but you are not this box.
We are trapped by the minds flaws which is to make us believe that we can get things done and then we are finished and then we can relax, thrive, ….live.

You can’t postpone life ….you cannot control life….quick solutions is not expansion.

Expansion e.g. can take place by fully incarnating into your physical body, getting centered and feel.

https://becomecentered.mystrikingly.com/

Experiment:

In order to center yourself you can play your own instrument, your body.

Sit down in a comfortable position, breathe into your belly and let the sounds flow that might come up. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Now we make use of the indian chakra system. If you don`t know about it, go and tipe into your research platform to find more information about it before you continue reading. In this experiment you go with the 7 energetic centers of the chakra system. Start with the root chakra and pit a hand on it and breath into this place in your body 3 times. As soon as you feel an impulse you let the tone “U” flow as long as it feels right for you and than you continue you up to the next center:

U- Root chakra

o-Sacral chakra

O- Solar Plexus

A-Heart Chakra

E-Throat Chakra

I-Third Eye

M-Crown Chakra

Imagine yourself being like a flute where you go from deep notes to high notes though your aim int his experiment is not to sing in particular but more to find vibrational frequency…put your energetical centers on your physical center.When you reached the 7th Chakra go down to the Root Chakra in a shorter sequence for each one and lie down after. Rest a bit.

This is one possibility to step out of getting things done. ….

To be continued…

I went to kita, then to kindergarten, then to school. My mother gave me to the patriarchal system when I was five months old. From that point on it was for me to get things done in groups, learning that slavery can have different kind of tastes. I learned really quick to surpress my needs, my worth, my feelings in order to survive. „There is no time.“ was the answer I heard the most. The energy of work was everywhere. My parents are to this day workaholics. For me the most accepted addiction in society to stay in survival mode. My mother says, that she don’t know what to do instead. She is so tired constantly that her body is screaming every time I see her.

There is no time for the moment. Time is filled with the past and the future. Moments have to be vanished in the patriarchal system. It is not efficient to live in the moment. It is better, higher, faster to avoid dying as quick as possible and then you are “enlightened” and then you achieved this and that and then…?

Through working as hard and quick as we can there is this story or illusion that we can transcend the ego and then we are enlightened. The happily ever after story.

I feel this is bullshit. Only if i go as deep into my physicality as possible and really own it i can thrive to other dimensions from the inside out and feel.

For not doing that you pay a price. I paid the price. Twice I lived though what modern culture medicine calles burn out. I got adenomyosis. I have no family and I live alone. The price is exhaustion cause in modern culture you can have all these things: money, family, partners but only if you are willing to sacrifice even more or to fight. You can be haunted or being the hunter. Win or lose…you name it.
I decided to not do that anymore. I decided to take care of my bo(u)ddies.

Experiment:

You have five bodies: https://5bodies.mystrikingly.com/

To grow up in Germany you learn something very fast, that perfectionism and getting things done is an ultimative goal, it is the main vibration. There is no other culture so far I got to know where people feel so entitled to tell you what to do and going out of their ways to assure you will stay on the line, to stay on the line of the clock.

Sensing, knowing, being a victim of that kept me going on this line which for me became the edge of life and death. The fear of being called out for stepping into another culture instead of getting things done is sometimes so big that it is better to stay dead.

So what are possibilities:

When I was little what I loved the most where movements, no matter which. I loved to explore the different kind of ways humans can move with props or without them. I loved the incompletion of it, movement is never done or finished it goes on constantly in circles, waves, spirals, ways and strings. It were experiences in the moment without words. It is a possibility to leave getting things done.

For 20 years of my life I devoted all my attention to improve my movements and longingly concentrated on what is real in that?

Find out more here:

https://experientialreality.mystrikingly.com/

It was like living in parallel realities to survive when in fact I was betraying myself constantly out of fear. I felt instantly that I should be here to stay in this slavery kind of mode and than become a slave master myself. From dead to dead.
Even when I entered my healing path I noticed that there are practices that vote for getting whole or integration. While I have a yes to that there is a distinction I found out much later doing this work. It is not about getting whole it is about communication, teamwork, collaboration, clarity and love between all your parts, all your bo(ud)dies, all your feelings to evolve.

Getting things done is not evolution. Evolution happens because of an expanding universe. We are so busy to save ourselves through concepts of linear life paths that the more we try to save us from evolving actually the more we die. We starve parts of us to death, we keep parts of us in prison, we take resources from parts and trample them quick and through them away, we hold other parts in slavery for us to get things done that is not their true path.
And we project these behaviors onto our family, our children, our society and other cultures.

We came to a point were we even split away the human part of us. It seems to me like the pain of being human got so big that, to see all our doings and decisions, the exploitation of our planet that the unbearably pain is just too much. The self-destruct botton is pushed way down to its core.
And society is doing that with every generation sitting on the break with birthing children in the dead system of patriarchy. The break already is pushed through and the car hardly stops, fire comes out of the wheels. That is the pain of modern culture.

I was raised in a home, in a culture where everything, every training, every task was about to get it done so then ….

Well…

When I move I write
When I dance I build
When I sing I transform sadness…

I create while I be that is what life is to me.

You can´t surpress, deny, disown or ignore life.

Be incomplete and evolve…